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Happy Mothers day (belated)


Permalink 02:21:56 pm, by Skillachi
Categories: Culture, Commentary

Happy Mothers day (belated)

You know there are not many holidays that I really support, for example I'm not exactly a fan of Valentines day as you would realize if you've read my previous posts on the topic, I'm also not a fan of thanksgiving day either, not because I'm not american but because the entire premise of the day is a lie as none of what is celebrated on that day actually happened, the same goes for halloween and essentially any day that is nothing more than a reason to get people to spend money randomly throughout the year. These commercial holidays are all about spending and as such get much of my ire. However there are some days which to me do require a great amount of celebration and pizazz, Mothers day is one of them.

You see mother's day is a day where we celebrate the women in our lives that decided to walk around with what essentially starts as a parasite for 9 months, and then walk around with that parasite for another 2 or so years before it can somewhat manage itself. And then you have to monitor that same parasite for another 16 years before you can finally release it into the world to fend for itself, sometimes you also get more than one parasite to take care of. I make it sound really simple but it really isnt, I know this because I've been around alot of mothers and seen the different levels of crap they have to go through... it ain't pretty.


First of all theres the whole removal of Social life that these mothers have to go through to care for their parasites (well the good mothers), no alcohol, no excessive partying, the bladder being reduced to nothing more than a tea cup (no I mean the actual size of a tea cup, not those giant cups you get from starbucks or wherever you get tea... I'm not a tea person), and the cravings, I guess they are brought on by the hormones but I remember my cousin waking up at 11 am to make festival to soothe her cravings.

And then there is childbirth... I dont even have to go into how much of a pain this is, its actually indescribable, well except by Bill Cosby who stated that it's the same as pulling your bottom lip over your entire head.

child birth

And then after the child (i'll stop saying parasite) is born where you have to deal with a child that has the innate ability to find danger even in the safest conditions possible. Then as the child gets older this danger is matched by the fact that the child also becomes a dust magnet, if you dont believe me, put a child in full white in a clean room, any clean room... give him/her an hour and then I guarantee you will wonder where the child obtained mud, grass, and what looks like wine stains, this is doubled if its a male child.

dirty kid

Really and truly though I am over simplifying just how much mothers have to go through, and I believe we should all be thankful for the fact that our mothers decided to stick it out and gave us life and love. I know the kind of child I've been (lets just say... a trouble maker), and I can imagine that dealing with me was no simple task. So all in all I have to first say thank you and happy mother's day to my mother (I already gave her her present). And also I have to wish a happy mother's day to all the other mothers in the world who have done so much for us all.

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The Small Sandal Shop

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You!

Foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop."

So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try them on."

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him

violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming; "YOU GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!"


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